


Amnesia

by supernaturallylost



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Gen, Heavy Angst, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, ambiguous elements, or are they?, pretty much everyone is dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 12:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3411011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturallylost/pseuds/supernaturallylost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel slowly remembers the key people from his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amnesia

“Castiel,” he said his name slowly. “I’m a human of the Lord.”

No one answered because no one could hear him over the buzz of the failing electricity, the whine of the dying heaters, and the noise of the waning traffic. No one even watched him anymore as he slipped backward. With each backward step, he remembered them. He remembered the taller one first.

“Sam,” he whispered gently.

Still, there came no answer from anyone.

He stepped back, pressed himself into the corner of the room, and remembered. They came in quick bursts at first, like the groans of an exhaust pipe just as a car is started.

He remembered little things first: Sam in the library reading _100 of the Best American Poems_ ; Sam walking into the gas station with an indignant frown; Sam scratching his ankle when he wore a suit for the first time in months.

Then the bigger things exploded in front of him: Sam cursing another person for being so selfish; Sam defending the savage attack on a local deputy; Sam ignoring his cell phone’s buzzing.

“Sam, what have you done?”

No one moved, no one spoke, and no one breathed.

The memories became gray, blurring the shape of a shorter man. His mind swirled dizzyingly as he skipped those memories and stopped at an even shorter man. This one couldn’t have been very old at all. He seemed fresh out of high school.

“Kevin,” he nodded. “I remember you.”

Again, the little things came back first. Kevin sitting with a school book in his bedroom, studying to get into the best college; Kevin hugging his backpack to his chest to protect his belongings from the impending tackle from a giant; Kevin smiling vaguely as the hatch of a ship cabin closed.

Then the bigger things hit him hard, causing him to double over. Kevin turning wildly to look out of the car windows when he gave up his normal life and was forced to chase the supernatural; Kevin crying over a stone tablet, pen in his blistering fingers; Kevin speaking calmly to someone he trusted just before he felt the burning, agonizing pain of his death.

“Kevin,” he whispered softly, a tear on his cheek.

Still, no one noticed him, sitting in the corner, exhausted as his memories returned.

Finally, everyone else came back to him.

“Crowley,” he whispered angrily. “Gadreel, Metatron.”

Then, brokenly, “Charlie, Lisa, Ben.”

Finally, he felt himself fall into a memory that seemed endless.

Green eyes smiled at him. A leather jacket beside the bed as someone with light brown hair prayed fervently. Hours spent counting freckles as their owner watched television, beer in hand. Jokes that made the frown leave his face and the fears leave his heart, even when the jokes made no sense. A laugh that made him both break apart and fold together.

He couldn’t say the name. He didn’t want to say the name.

Green eyes lowering, staring angrily at a brand. A mark on the forearm that meant more than anyone knew. Screams of injustice and fear and blame. Attempts to take responsibility, to make things right.

He shook his head, not wanting to remember.

Green eyes turning away and returning solidly black.

“No,” he said. “Stop.”

Black eyes staring, smirking, proud.

“Dean!” he screamed.

Finally, they noticed.

They approached him as he hid in his corner, breathing heavily.

“Castiel,” they grinned. “Our newest member.”

He breathed shallowly, feeling trapped, claustrophobic, scared.

“When you died, we had our own plans for torture,” they smiled. “Then the boss came and gave us an order.”

He clutched his throat and tried to breathe deeper.

“’Amnesia?’ we thought. ‘How is that a punishment?’ You see, we wanted torture,” they sneered. “We wanted pain.”

He closed his eyes and saw Dean’s black eyes smile as a knife ripped into a sheriff. Sam defended it as necessary, ignoring the danger Dean posed.

“Now that we see what forgetting and remembering and forgetting again does to you,” they laughed, “we understand. This is so much worse.”

He saw Dean fall, face down in the dirt. He was holding the weapon, the only one that would work. And then, from nowhere, Sam. Sam and a knife. Sam and a knife thrust into him. Sam falling beside his brother.

“Don’t worry,” they said. “You’ll get to remember it all again tomorrow.”

He fell, hands on the floor to hold himself up. A final memory, the memory of his death. A crossroads. Crowley. The deal of a lifetime.

‘Take me to hell,’ he’d bargained, ‘right now. Just let them live.’

He coughed, his blood splattering against the floor.

“Time for you to forget,” they smiled happily.

“Wait,” he responded.

“Oh?” they mocked. “It speaks?”

“Tell me,” he said between coughs. “Tell me one thing.”

They leaned forward charitably.

“Are they alive?”

They smirked and leaned back. Minutes passed. Minutes of terrible coughing, of blood running from his mouth down his clothes, across the floor. Minutes of agony as his organs shredded themselves and he broke from the inside out. Finally, a solid blackness overcame him.

Endless time passed. Then…

“Castiel,” he said his name slowly. “I’m a human of the lord.”

**Author's Note:**

> I actually do feel bad about writing this. Leave a comment if you can! Feedback is always appreciated!


End file.
